The Black Iron Bedpost

I think the reason I live in Orange County is so I can cultivate an appreciation for nature without taking it for granted.

I want to watch storms roll in.

I want to see vistas that are unexplainable by the English language.

I want to stand atop green pastures and be.

I want to explore and praise the Creator of all things…

Yes, being amongst the sights, the sounds and the allergy inducing smells(thank God for Zyrtec), is how I would like to spend more of my days…

(Picture is taken at the Orange County, Ca hidden Redwood grove)

Insights on technology…

I know that life has an end.

It has a beginning…

But its the journey that defines us; rooting us deep in our convictions and understandings; Building character, relationships and truths that help us accept difficulties or explain the purpose of the beginning and the end.

We learn to love, we learn to hate, we learn to worship and idolize- we learn.

We grow.

We regress.

We grow back.

We get weathered by the storm…

We glow with confidence and pride in the restoration.

That’s life.

That’s a journey.

We can’t just live on a straight plane going in either direction-

We need the valleys, we need the mountian tops to look down upon and see how far we have come and how far we have to go.

We are all part of a story, a gigantic interwoven tapestry, meant to be the most beautiful thing constructed…

Some threads are joyfully worn, some are stubborn, not wanting to blend with the weave-

Some are brightly colored and some are stained, but being interconnected within the whole, the stain is tertiary to the bigger picture, and to our part in holding the weave and pattern together.

That being said,

The past six months has been a struggle to stay woven with the blend.

I have been frayed.

I have been knitted back in.

I have seen my parents struggles affect me in different ways.
I am not able to communicate in the ways that I was before.

I am silent.

Contemplative. Skeptical. Doubting. Fearful…

I know what truth is.

It’s just finding my way back to trusting, and understanding…

I know that I am not meant to be confused, or anxious, like I awake to many mornings.

I know that I am only going to find solace and restoration and healing when I trust the one who created me.

I am meant to enjoy.

I am meant to step back and see the good work that is going on before me…

There are many things that I am looking forward to finding out…

My purpose.

And the great thing that the Lord is going to do if I let Him….

eyethune:

mustbethemusicwhenwewereyoung:

best video ever. it deserves more cred.

we asked for it

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

— Rosemary Urquico

dad-isms:

And then one day.  It.  Becomes.  Normal.

A relationship. 

A marriage.

A job.

Not good.  But normal.

Hopes and dreams that we swore we would hold out for…hijacked by the acceptance of getting by and mediocrity.  

Is it that no one else will love us?

That if I really told her how I felt…?

That if I really believed, “I can do better than this”…and then acted upon it?  What would happen?

The fear of what if is the door we fear opening because bad normal is better than new, not normal.

Foodie update!

Doesn’t that look good?!

I finally branched out to include some fish into this diet- I LOVE fish so having the chance to make me some was really exciting last night!

The cravings for sweets is only increasing, but I’m blaming the Easter Season as the culprit. I mean, who doesn’t want to snack on some Easter goodies?

However, I’m trying to squash always having some carbo/sugar replacement like cookies around. I want to start eating carrots for the heck of it… But that would require me to buy them… So, until then, I just snake my Mom’s nut packs from her Starbucks oatmeal or grab a handful of raw sunflower seeds and then sip on pure watered down pomegranate juice. I stress watered down- one 16oz bottle can easily last me a week!

Been adding some ingredients to my pantry as I go along and invested in grapeseed oil and coconut oil spray for when I make eggs in the morning- should be infinitely easier.

I’m trying to stick to one type of protein each week so I can experiment with dishes- and I’m cooking with a lot of garlic and onions… Two of my favorite ingredients…

So much so I used them last night as I made my salmon filet from scratch! It was so tender and tasty- I’m excited to have another one tonight!

I also ventured into new territory and bought eggplant. I was scared. But! I totally survived thanks to the blogosphere who showed me how to cook the eggplant and then what I could make from it- so I made Babaganoosh which is like a hummus or mashed potatoes. Again, super yummy and super simple.

And this morning, I was able to enjoy another new item- British Back Bacon! It’s like I mix between Canadian Bacon and bacon! BACON!!!! I grabbed some with minimal fat and devoured the yummy! It was so good and more filling then regular bacon.

I’ve been enjoying the lifestyle change- it comes with weight loss perks, but the piece of mind that I am making my body better from the inside out outweighs losing weight.

critormiss:

Jimmy Fallon, Nick Offerman and Blake Shelton do an all-clucking version of “Ho Hey” by The Lumineers.

Silly me passed up this #firstedition the first time I saw it… But thanks to used bookstores with a neglected religion section, I am now the proud owner! (at Bookman)

So my professor for my senior thesis suggested I read this book for help on it… It’s from a Christian perspective and is written in a style like my own… Perhaps she knows what she’s doing… I mean, he already referenced Pride and Prejudice!

(via 4yourhealth)

I N T R O D U C T I O N

I have goals and dreams and they are constantly in tension with reality.
I am 26. Statistically, this is the average age a woman is to marry.
I am single, and I have never had the misery of a boyfriend.
I am paid a marginal wage to work in the food service industry.
I volunteer my time to my church- to the youth.
I love art in multiple forms.

Yet, I am still “navigating” through life.

I do not know what is laid out before my feet. I do know the uncertainty I feel about the future is an indication that I need to be in communion with my Saviour.

I S O L A T I O N  O F  M A I N  I D E A

Since I am 26, I am of an independent mind. I attempt to navigate life through a Christian perspective. However, I am seeing the limitations for holding a religious worldview when in the realm of academia. When in this state of tension, I find myself resembling a set of conjoined twins. I am one person with two separate heads of intellectual ideas and one heart that defines the very existence of who I am.

J O U R N E Y

I was raised with Christian values with the American Dream instilled deeply within me. I could be anything I wanted to be with a little work and determination. Throughout school I was able to be a person who was able to produce content that was of higher substance than my peers. I was in no way top of my class, or engaged in an academic pursuit that would indicate such. I was present in my school work, which resulted in a failure to develop work habits that would make me great.

As I grew closer to the legal age, I started to contemplate life. In doing so, I started to reconstruct the Christian worldview I held. I was attending a secular college pursuing the meaning of life. While there, I had a crisis of faith that was eventually healed by life experiences. The path that I have taken for academia is one that has served a two-fold purpose. One, it prepared me for the hard work that is required of college material. Two, it provided me with extra years to grow personally.

P R E S E N T  D A Y

I am a senior in college majoring in Comparative Religion. Along the journey, my aim was to further my education at a well established theological seminary in New England. Through a series of events this semester, it has come to my attention that I may need to re-evaluate my end desire. Being a “woman of strong opinion” does not carry enough weight into graduate school if you struggle with looking deeper and articulating your argument through writ. The luster of being back in the saddle of academia has been lost. The reality of shortcomings are emerging each and everyday I continue to produce work that has not been examined to the extent of a scholar.

I also find myself indulging in art. I have been designing graphics for ministry and toying with web design. I like to creatively write, and I would love to be paid to just read. I am a creative. However, fear of practicality has always held the pursuit of the arts back. I am currently in a class that explores how media is shaping religion, and as I explore my senior thesis, I am able to isolate a job that I would love to have.

F U T U R E

The pursuit of a graduate degree is meant to establish a more Biblical perspective into the secular field of study I have been engaging in. I see the path to obtaining one manna for my soul and cure for twin heads. It is also providing an opportunity for a future career that is yet labeled. I have been accused that I value knowledge and education as main criteria for defining myself and the lens in which I view others. I have had trouble with this statement since it was made since my goal in life is to know my Saviour and to have others know Him as well.

I would like to think one day I will be married to a man who challenges me but also takes the time to see there is more to me. I would like to be used to convey the Gospel in innovated ways that break the traditional church mode. I don’t think higher education is the clean cut answer to all my problems, but, spending time in prayer and meditation is. I have human agency to make decisions, but I am also God-fearing which means I believe that God is active in my life, and God is sovereign.

H O P E

I want to learn. I want to grow and have doubts released. I want to see great things, experience great things be the creator of great things.

What if this present were the world’s last night ?
Mark in my heart, O soul, where thou dost dwell,
The picture of Christ crucified, and tell
Whether His countenance can thee affright.
Tears in His eyes quench the amazing light ;
Blood fills his frowns, which from His pierced head fell ;
And can that tongue adjudge thee unto hell,
Which pray’d forgiveness for His foes’ fierce spite ?
No, no ; but as in my idolatry
I said to all my profane mistresses,
Beauty of pity, foulness only is
A sign of rigour ; so I say to thee,
To wicked spirits are horrid shapes assign’d ;
This beauteous form assures a piteous mind.

So far so good on Paleo! Minus the girly craving for chocolate, I’ve been doing fine curbing my cravings with drinking some iced tea or grabbing a handful of seeds. I like to keep a “carb” replacement on hand for when I just need to enjoy the texture.

Yesterday and today, I managed to make eggs before I left for work. This is a challenge since I have to be to work by 4:30 AM! But, it only takes 5 minutes to make some eggs and microwave some bacon, and place on a plate and run out the door. I’ll reheat it once I’m able to at work and enjoy.

I also knew going into class today, I was going to be challenged. I didn’t have time to grab lunch before I needed to leave, but I did pack a bag of raw sunflower seeds and one of my Pumpkin Bird food muffins. See, my professor brings cookies to class each week and they get placed on the desk next to mine, where I am able to smell them for three hours… Ugh!

But, every time I was about to reach out and grab the extra doughy chocolate chip cookie, I reached into my snack bag and grabbed a handful of seeds… I survived!

Only to come home and make a tasty burger grilled in mustard and accompanied by grilled onions and zucchini. All sandwiched between chard.

Try it. It’s fantastic!

I can’t wait to make another batch of cookies tomorrow!

(Source: spiritualinspiration, via yesubride)